I Believe

I will preface what follows with this qualifier. I am not lost, nor do I need to be "saved". I live my life according to my beliefs. They have worked very well for me through out my life. I stand ready to revise them if somehow they prove to be inadequate or take me in a direction I don't want to go. I haven't always followed the correct path. Sometimes I have wandered, sometimes I have deliberately violated a principle to see if it works or not. Every time, I have been unhappy and have suffered bad consequences. I also have no desire to convert anyone to my system. I discovered it myself and I believe that is the best way for someone to have a belief - by discovering it for themselves. That process is painful, and takes a lot of effort. But, I think that no belief is meaningful if it isn't "yours" If you don't "own" - it if it hasn't come from within yourself and become part of you.

I will start with the simplistic view of a child. When I was about eight, I decided that I was special. Why I thought this, is still a mystery to me. My parents certainly didn't think so, and neither did most of the world. From that dichotomy - my belief in myself and others lack of belief in me began a search for the source of this belief. What made me think I was special? Why was I alive? Was there a purpose to my life?

Because I was a difficult child, and my home was an unhappy place for me, I spent a great deal of time alone outside as far away from people as I could get. My only companion was my father's hunting dog. We had a bond that goes beyond words. He was my confidant, my companion, my friend, my playmate, and my spirit brother. One fall, he was killed. I was so devastated that I could not eat or go to school. My dog appeared to me in dreams. I thought I saw him on the porch, but no-one was there. When I was forced to return to school, a teacher that had never spoken to me before took me aside and re-assured me that he understood my pain. He made it a point to talk to me every day after that. The compassion he displayed was a healing force for me. I began to interact in school and learn to associate with people. The death of my dog pushed me into life. Before that I was headed for a life of isolation and introspection and perhaps even insanity. (Maybe after reading this you will decide I am insane.)

I decided that something - some force had pushed this man towards me - that he was - in the eyes of a child - a guardian angel. Many, many times in my life since then similar things have happened. At the time most needed, the exact thing or person I need will come to me. It has never failed.

For many years I searched religions, and discarded them all, and read philosophers and decided they have some, but not all of the wisdom, and studied Psychologists and decided they don't have it, either. After searching what was available to me for a better way, I formed this opinion for myself.

I believe that this life-force is like an organism of which I am one part. I believe you are, and so is my dog and so are the pine trees that sit outside my window, and the birds and the air and the sea and the earth and the sun and the moon and the stars. The molecules of air I breathe are the same ones that Galileo, and Socrates and Hitler and Attila the Hun breathed. Their dust whirls about the earth and is ingested and secreted. Only a very minute fraction of the earth has ever actually left here - a few satellites that fell into the sun, and some that whirled out past Pluto and disappeared from our view. In the same way, I believe the spirit that makes us live that is "you" and "me" is an entity of itself. It takes a body for reasons we don't clearly understand, and then leaves that body to go elsewhere, but, like the molecules of dust that whirl about the earth, it never leaves. I am one such spirit in a less evolved state. My task here in this life is to experience everything life has to offer to learn from it, to help others when they need it, to love them when they need it, to feed them when they are hungry, and to be a guide if asked, and to find my own path and follow it as best I can, and finally, as part of the life-force to be a part of it and serve it as it serves me.

I think that these words are inadequate to the task of describing this "life-force". The use of the word "spirit" for example is imprecise since it bears a connotation of ghosts or other-world creatures or something equally silly. Still, I have no other word to describe it. Perhaps that is why ancient men needed to name this force something. Perhaps that's why they invented the concept of "God" to represent the life-force, and "soul" to represent the spirit that dwells within each of us.

But, the danger of naming a thing that is bigger than we are is our need to control it, and our need to establish rules by which it operates, and other rules by which we can bend it to our will. Thus, the perversions of religion which is a man-made convention, are an attempt to super-impose the will of man over a timeless and all-powerful force. This force exists beyond language. It operates in dimensions we can't perceive on a time-scale that is past, present and future all running in spirals, not in the linear way that we, as humans can understand.

I call myself a pagan because I reject the man-made religion of Christianity. But, I am not a Pagan, either. They believe in gods of this and that, and I only believe in one life-force, and in the spirit that dwells within me and every living thing. It's not merely a concept - it is my belief, and as such it is sacred - to me.

glee

Partnering

I watch Animal Planet on TV a lot unless its' about bugs. My satellite company has lots of these: Discovery, History, PBS, etc and I have them all. There was a bit on hyenas. I didn't know that they mate for life, and they hunt in mated pairs. They are very successful. The males help in the care and feeding of the pups, and when the two hunt, they are three times more successful in making a kill. Often, the single hyena starves to death.

So, one hyena plus one hyena equals three times the kills. Interesting how this biological unit defies the laws of mathematics where one and one always equals two. That's true in humans, too. Two people don't live as cheaply as one - or only twice as well as they would alone. They live three times better than they would alone. Yet, in our society, keeping partners together is a real challenge. We are failing at it miserably. If pairing up is so beneficial, why is it so difficult for so many?

Well, I have a little experience in the partner category, and naturally I have an opinion about this.

It's because you need a quest.

I have always known that I am not most effective as a leader. I am most effective as a partner. The song "You Are the Wind Beneath My Wings" was written for/about me. My second most favorite character after Gandalf is Sam the wise, Frodo's loyal friend.

On a side note: the image of Gandalf (Do I have the name of the wizard
right?) on Shadow fox always makes my heart beat a little faster.

To me, Sam is the hero of the story, not Frodo. If he hadn't carried Frodo at the end, then the evil empire would not have been defeated.

I can lead if the occasion calls for it. If my partner stumbles, I can pick him up and carry him. As long as he's leading the way, I can cover his backside. But - my partner has to be on a righteous quest. I cannot and will not follow blindly behind a fool. My partner can have a few foibles and I will cover for him, but he cannot be without character. Frodo accepted a task that was beyond his knowledge and strength and without Sam and a cast of supporting characters, he would have failed. Frodo knew this and accepted the task anyway. He was strong beyond anything anyone could have expected. He paid ultimately with his life.

I am talking about a partner, an equal, walking shoulder-to-shoulder, and side by side; each with strength and the pair of us on a journey together regardless of adversity. It takes character. It takes wisdom, and loyalty and intelligence and bravery. It takes endurance, too. You have to stick it out when the going gets tough - both of you. When I choose a new partner, you can believe he will be worth the effort. His cause will be just, and his heart will be true. I know such men exist. I was partnered with one for 32 years, and I stuck it out to his last breath. I'm resting now. The way there at the end was hard, and it took its toll. Wounds take time to heal. Standing at the brink of eternity takes your breath away.

In my life always - ALWAYS - what I need, not necessarily what I want, has come to me. Somewhere there is a wizard who needs a sidekick, and he's wandering in my direction.
glee

Ye Olde Philosopher

Ye Olde Philosopher got up this morning to bright fall sunshine. The sky seems to have taken on a crisp edge. I can’t see that it’s any less blue. It just feels like fall. Billy da Kidd seems a little pouty. He was prevented from wandering across the road by being put on his long cable. The road is too dangerous for doggie wanderings these days. Traffic has increased, and the speed of those yuppie SUV’s is criminal. I doubt they would even notice if they ran over his precious body. I tried to distract him with a game of ball, but he would have none of it. He fetched it twice and then sat down with his back to me. I know he did it just to please me, but his heart wasn’t in it.

Something else might be bothering him. I was petting cats again. In his book, this is a betrayal of our special friendship. I reassured him that although I may play with the cats at times, he is the only dog in my life. Tango, the fat cat, has the biggest mouth for a cat I have ever seen. He meows all the time. He called me to the door, and then Little Joe, the charcoal one came in just plastered with burrs. He jumped up on the bench at the back door where I keep boots, jackets, gloves, horse whips, brushes for dogs and cats, and towels at the ready for muddy paws. He rolled over and revealed a furry belly all covered in the nasty burrs that typify fall in the country. Joe is the one who crawls under things, so he seems to get the most of them. The other two are more high up sorts of fellows. Well, someone has to do the underneath work. Otherwise, the mice would take over everything. Joe is the shy one, and the most docile, but he is the one most likely to bring a mouse to the back door in spite of his diminutive size. There was no sign of Pinky Wash Chowski this morning. He is the odd one. He always needs a separate entrance and a different path to follow. He’s Billy’s special buddy. He thinks he should have been a Golden Retriever. After all, Billy lives the life he would like to live – and, he’s color-coordinated. I have pictures of him and Billy curled up together taking a nap. Pinky has his head resting on Billy’s paws. If I ever get a digital camera I will post pictures here.

I suppose I will trim the roses, and pull weeds in the front flower bed today. Also, I need to look up fence vendors. The posts for the front fence are in. I have had lots of trespassers, and the road frontage on that side is too dangerous. If the horses should decide to run through the single electric tape I have used for years, they might be killed, or worse, cause someone to be in an accident and get hurt. I am also worried about thieves and vandals. A fence won’t solve all these problems, but it will head off a lot of them. I feel hemmed in by the fence even though I can’t even see it from the house. There was always open space there before, and now it’s closed off. Another change that has me and all of the neighbors concerned is the new well that went in yesterday on the open field next one over from me. That means a new neighbor is coming. I hope they like dogs and cats and horses and quiet times.

Changes they are a coming. I think Bob Dylan wrote that – or maybe not.

glee