Drama ! Drama ! Drama !

When it’s over is the toughest time. When it’s going on, you are immersed in it. You live and breathe it. You yearn for release from it, but you dread that same release. Maybe the hardest part is when your father is dying and you know it. You watch him draw within and you know that when the lights are on at night over there it’s because he has sundowners syndrome – the fear of going to sleep that the dying experience when they know their time is near. He is awake all night prowling the hallway and watching late-night TV as if staying awake will stave off the inevitable. Then the wrenching pain beyond anything yet experienced on the last day – the time of parting forever. There’s hope that when it’s your turn, you will meet again, but no-one knows that for sure. The thought of the abyss waiting for you is terrifying. Then there is the ceremony of the burial and business and his things to dispose of and relatives to notify. The business of the dead takes time, and you immerse yourself in it to stave off that terrible unknown time - the grieving. You think you escape it, but you don’t and the crying and fear and loss and then a long empty time of missing him and realizing that he will never be here with you again, and the anger about the universe being so cruel and the terrible down times. You cry and wail at the moon. You run far and fast trying to escape it. You will do anything to stop the pain, but it never stops.

When it’s over is the toughest time. When it’s going on, you are immersed in it. You live and breathe it. You yearn for release from it, but you dread that same release. Maybe the hardest part is when your husband is dying and you know it. He knows it, too, and you sit together holding hands and ponder the unknowable. How will it be? Does it hurt or is it the real end or is it the beginning of something else – another iteration of you in another dimension – somewhere unknown. Then the wrenching pain beyond anything yet experienced on the last day – the time of parting forever. There’s hope that when it’s your turn, you will meet again, but no-one knows that for sure. The thought of the abyss waiting for you is terrifying. Then there is the ceremony of the burial and business and his things to dispose of and relatives to notify. The business of the dead takes time, and you immerse yourself in it to stave off that terrible unknown time - the grieving. You think you escape it, but you don’t and the crying and fear and loss and then a long empty time of missing him and realizing that he will never be here with you again, and the anger about the universe being so cruel and the terrible down times.

You cry and wail at the moon. You run far and fast trying to escape it. You will do anything to stop the pain, but it never stops. The silence in the house is unbearable. At night you remember when you laid awake touching him afraid that this next breath will be his last, and when he pauses in his sleep and misses one breath, time is suspended as you wait for it to begin again and when it does you breathe again, too. After work, if you make it to work, you dread going home to that empty sad place. You want company because when you are among friends, you can put the pain aside knowing they don’t want to see it. Maybe a little drink will help you loosen up and go among the strangers- they think you’re aloof, but really, you’re shy – afraid of them and the pain they can so easily and thoughtlessly inflict. You know they can’t ever feel the way you do. You know they never “get it”. They simply don’t want to see it – the experience of death. Later, when you think about it, you realize they are there escaping the pain of their own grief.

When it’s over is the toughest time. When it’s going on, you are immersed in it. You live and breathe it. You yearn for release from it, but you dread that same release. You know this lover, this man who was supposed to be your savior is cheating with another woman. You know it, but you try not to. Then later, you try to be very sophisticated and tell yourself it doesn’t matter, but it does. He comes to you and the night is filled with joy. In the morning light you know with a certainty that it cannot continue. You decide it’s time and you break it off. You think you will escape the grief. After all, it’s your decision this time. You think you escape it, but you don’t and the crying and fear and loss and then a long empty time of missing him and realizing that he will never be here with you again, and the anger about the universe being so cruel and the terrible down times.

Finally, when acceptance comes, you realize that your mind is clear for the first time in forever. You wake up and find that you are yourself. Will the real Glee please stand up? She does, but there is no applause because the audience has long ago gone away. This day there is no drama. It’s an odd feeling to realize that you slept through the whole night. You want to tell someone - “Hey, guess what? I slept all night! I didn’t wake up even once! Isn’t that great?” It’s been years since you didn’t wake up wondering if he was still breathing this man you love as life itself, your best friend, your lover, your partner, your soul mate who is dying and you are afraid it will happen while you are sleeping and if you wake up in time you can stop it from happening. The middle of the night visits to the emergency room and then the next day returning to normal life, and going in to work as if nothing happened because it hasn’t - not yet.

All that drama is gone. It’s just a spring day and the birds are singing and the sun is threatening to shine. Time stretches out and you wonder what you should do today.

Lilly Lebowski

Once in an episode of Crossing Jordan, the boss, Macy, upbraided Lilly for trying to nurture him when he was having a difficult time. He claimed he didn't want or need her nurturing because that's who he is. She said "I can't help it. That's who I am." I did not like Macy very much because of that. Lilly deserves better. Lilly loved him, and he rejected her. He is a fool. The Lillies of the world have a tough road to travel. Nurturing, empathy, sensitivity, these are things that this world of ours tends to run rough-shod over. I often say that a lot of people confuse gentleness with weakness. I applaud the show for making Lilly such a strong representation of a very much under-appreciated personality.

I think nurturing people are strong because they can remain gentle in the face of adversity. They are resillient because they remain gentle even when they are treated harshly. They are able to cope with adversity because their focus is not on trying to get the upper hand, but on the task at hand which is to alleviate pain in others. Later, when it's all over, they may cry. They dry their tears and go on being gentle and nurturing.

I think they deserve our respect. They are to be treasured.

Glee