Eulogy for My Mother

On the day before Mom died, she asked me what Mike and I decided about her funeral. I told her we were going to do everything the same as we did for Dad. She was to be buried next to him, the only love of her life, and that we were going to have the wake at my house. Murphy volunteered to cater the food. She said "Bless his heart". We talked a little while longer about inconsequential mother and daughter things. I sat with her through the night and just before dawn it was all over. She didn't have a church affiliation. We are spiritual people, but not religious. So, I decided that my brother and I would give a service for those who attended. He said, as I call them, the "official words" from the bible and I spoke about her life.

Here is the eulogy I prepared for her funeral.

Jesus spoke of his death as he comforted his disciples by saying words like - I go to prepare a place for you. - He spoke to them as a father speaks to his children. In the same way our parents prepare the way for us. They show us the path as they precede us by their steps and mis-steps. She has shown us the way with her courage and dignity. As I watched my mother take her last steps along her path, she was illuminated by the light that guided her. I could see my father at her side and behind them Heavenly Father. As we wish the best for our children, so He wishes the best for us and we wish the best for our children. When I speak to my own son as he watches my steps and mis-steps along my path I am often speaking in my Mother’s words which often were - “While I may not always approve of your every action, I will always love you.” Though I often erred, her love for me and for Mike never wavered.

She was prepared for this final step, and left among her things little markers for me and Mike to find. In her address book, tucked in along with little notes next to names she found important Carlys, her daughter-in law, found this account hand written on coffee stained sheets of the same note paper she used to write her grocery lists. I assume this account was for some sort of weaving or spinning newsletter. I quote verbatum from that note . . .

“Here are some news clippings, photos, etc. that you may or (may not) want to include in your history. I joined T&C [Town & Country Hand Weavers] in 1967 at the invitation of Bessie Lowry. I bought an antique spinning wheel in Indiana while on a trip celebrating our 35th wedding anniversary and then began to seek out someone to teach me how to use it. I found Bessie Lowrey’s Phone # in the Yellow Pages and called her. She didn’t know of anyone but suggested that I learn to weave while searching. Thus began for me a whole new highway to travel. I went full speed ahead on that road. I joined the T&C (Town and Country) guild and served as secretary, treasurer and president. I also joined the Detroit Hand Weavers Guild and then the Michigan League of Hand Weavers. I helped organize the first conferences held by the MLH. I became a charter member of the Michigan Hand Spinners Guild. I helped with the first Spin Around which was inspired by the Ontario Hand Spinners Guild and the Thistledown Hand Spinners Guild of Norwalk, N.Y. I cannot remember the exact dates, but all of this activity occurred in the early 70’s.

My husband, Dick, decided that he could build a spinning wheel better than the antique I was using.

[Note: there is one here today lovingly restored by her grandson, Frank. The flax on the spindle is the flax she tied and the thread on the bobbin was spun by her. The lily is there to represent her.]

This launched him into the formation of Tromp ‘n Treadle and the manufacturing of spinning wheels that worked.

[Note: For a while, my brother, Mike, worked with Dad, but his life moved on as the responsibilities of fatherhood required his time. My son, her grandson, Frank, using Dad’s tools still makes wheels from his patterns.]

While working as the crafts interpreter at Greenfield Village I had the opportunity to work with flax and the spinning of linen thread. This led to some research and ultimately became my specialty.

Town and Country participated in several guild exhibits at the MLH (Michigan League of Hand Spinners) conferences . . . one was an exhibit of kitchen stuff – I did the curtains. The other one I remember was an artist’s pallet. Dick made it and we each wove three scarves to place on the pallet. I attended the Thistledown Hand spinner’s conference in Norwalk, N.Y. and the Ontario Hand spinners conferences. I became involved in the formation of the Michigan Hand spinners Guild and promoted a state-wide conference of hand spinners . . .”

The note trails off here. I don’t know what became of this or whether she prepared it for this day, but it seems appropriate.

Sorting Out

The hardest part about the sorting out at Mom's condo is all the
decisions. It takes so long to go through everything. I have to decide
four things for each item: keep, throw away, give away or sell. Like the
letter opener that is a Samurai sword in miniature in a garish red and
formerly gold wooden scabbard. It was made in Japan. I suppose it is a
trinket from some tourist shop. It's not worth anything but it was my
grandmother's and has been around forever. It's been in "the desk" all
these years. I kept it after some agonizing over it. No problem deciding
about the fur coats. I don't like the fur of dead animals no matter how
luxurious. I would never wear any of the coats. Those I'll sell. They
will bring maybe $50 apiece, maybe not. I gave Mom's everyday dishes and
most of the kitchen utensils to Melissa, my granddaughter, who remembers
lots of holiday dinners with those plates. She's setting up housekeeping
in December when she graduates from college. All of the spinning and
weaving things go to my son for his new shop "Tromp 'N Treadle". The
quilt making things are more difficult. Some of Mom's projects are half
finished. There are boxes of scraps all arranged and cut into shapes for
a quilt. I have always wanted to try that. Should I keep them? I have no
idea what the project was or how to do it. The knitting stuff I kept as
well as the embroidery and crochet. The basket weaving things are
untouched in a box. I suppose I'll donate them to the white elephant
sale at St. Pats. My extra bedroom is bursting at the seams with all the
sewing notions and one magnificent Bernina sewing machine with matching
sewing table. There are pictures, pictures, pictures. Slides, 8 mm film,
negatives, old Polaroid's, aging brown pictures of ancestors, wrinkled
snapshots carried lovingly in wallets - you name it. I have all the
collection of three generations in boxes all over the place. I'll be
sorting those out for months - maybe years. I see some scrap booking and
photo scanning coming up this winter. I think I will have to retire. I
have so much to do and no time for working and other trivia like that
LOL !!!

Today is boxing up stuff to donate to Purple Heart. In the process I
will generate more sale items, keepers, throw-aways and
give-to-some-ones for another sorting out day. Always there are things
that I haul home only to decide I don't want them after all and I haul
them back or throw them out. I am honing my skills. The day will soon
come when I have to do all this over again at my own house. I am not
going to leave all this "stuff" for someone else to do. I want to see
the pleasure on the face of a loved one when I give them some treasure.

It's sometimes a pleasant chore and sometimes I cry. After all, it isn't
just my mother's life I am reviewing - it's my own as well.